Blondes Joke
1 Name: Anonymous : 2009-06-26 14:35:48 ID:6c6cd01
Why can you not teach blondes to waterski?
When they get wet, they roll over on their backs!
4 Name: Anonymous : 2009-06-29 19:52:33 ID:e89d97ea
What do you call 10 blondes standing in a circle?A dope ring!
5 Name: Anonymous : 2009-07-01 11:13:40 ID:98a0fbfd
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish. The redhead went first. ''I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!'' "Okay,'' replied the genie. And off she went. Then the brunette went. ''I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!'' And off she went. The blonde started crying and said, ''I wish my friends were back here!''
6 Name: Anonymous : 2009-07-04 10:45:25 ID:66a522d9
Why do blondes smile when lightning flashes?
Because they think their pictures are being taken.
7 Name: Anonymous : 2009-07-08 20:07:58 ID:f2f1b0fc
Why was the blonde afraid to have phone sex?Because she didn't know how to put a condom on the phone.
8 Name: Anonymous : 2009-08-07 20:52:19 ID:76913155
Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?A: There's white-out on the screen.
14 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-06 17:05:16 ID:7c446b73
She is so blonde that she studied for a blood test -- and failed.
15 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-07 16:22:53 ID:af54b5c1
A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."
"Okay," said the brunette.
"Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."
16 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-09 15:28:25 ID:20ece687
Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?
She heard the drinks were on the house.
Jesus
1 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-07 14:19:10 ID:6c8b6e1a
What's the difference between Jesus and Madonna?
Jesus was only resurrected once.
Bird and fly
1 Name: Anonymous : 2009-07-02 21:39:00 ID:1e55cf8e
What's the difference between a bird and a fly? A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.
2 Name: Anonymous : 2009-10-01 12:52:08 ID:20ece687
Do you know what the white stuff in bird poop is? That's bird poop, too.
3 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-06 21:20:42 ID:851052e4
What do you do if a bird shits on your car?
Don’t ask her out again.
Alcohol joke
1 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-06 17:39:06 ID:29ecae88
The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek.
"I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is." he replied, "Breakfast."
2 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-06 21:09:03 ID:430e804d
A guy is at the bar, just staring at his drink, when a big truck driver steps up next to him, takes the guy's drink, and gulps it down.
The guy starts crying.
The truck driver says, "Come on, man, I was just fucking around. Here, I'll buy you another drink. For Christ sakes, don't cry."
The guy says, "You don't understand. This has been the worst day of my life. First, I sleep late, and when I get to my office, my boss fires me. When I get to the parking lot, I find out my car is stolen. I get a cab home, and when I get there, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards in my desk at work. The cab driver doesn't believe me, and kicks my ass. When I finally go in the house, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. So I come to this bar, and just when I'm thinking about ending it all, you show up and drink my poison."
Cannibals eating a clown
1 Name: Anonymous : 2009-06-29 19:48:21 ID:e89d97ea
Two cannibals were eating a clown. One looked over at the other and asked, Does this taste funny to you?
2 Name: Anonymous : 2009-06-30 09:54:44 ID:3fb0cb2
Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I hate my mother-in-law."The other replies, "Well, just eat your noodles, then."
3 Name: Black_Oprah!!WReytiQ3TnnF6 : 2009-06-30 16:46:44 ID:707c692c
Head juice. Image From S.Darbeys "Cannibalistic practices of the over 30's" 1993 pp374
4 Name: Anonymous : 2009-06-30 17:07:30 ID:91fa83d1
Three men are found in the wilderness by civilized cannibals. The men are led to a gravesite next to the water.
"You have two choices of death," says the chief. "We either will kill you as a coward, or we will let you die honarable deaths for your homelands. You choose the weapon. Either way, your skins will be used to make our canoes."
The first man, a soldier at heart, asks for a handgun. With this shoots himself. The next man, a warrior at heart, he uses a Japanese katana to commit seppuku as a Japanese man. The last man asks for a fork. He stabs himself repeatedly in the chest.
"I hope your canoe sinks!"
5 Name: Anonymous : 2010-07-06 17:27:36 ID:f878783b
One cannibal to another: "I never met a man I didn't like!"
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